Who Am I?
Here’s all about our identities.
The question “who am I?” is one that almost no one can answer with full clarity, richness, and completion in their answer. For example, I could say the following,
“I’m Apuroopa Kavikondala. I’m an author/writer, dancer, and photographer. I love helping people.”
However, more than half of who I am isn’t even covered in that introduction. I don’t mention that I like baking or my love for making to-do lists and having a plan for everything always.
So, how do we answer the question?
Today, we’ll be going over identity, a topic called covering, and the effect of society, bias, and stereotypes on us, as individuals.
Identity
The official definition of identity (according to Google at least) is “the fact of being who or what a person or thing is.” But, in reality, it’s so much more than that. It’s the people around us, our experiences, the places we go, the lessons we learn, and the hobbies and characteristics that make us up. There’s so much that goes into our identity. Into who we are.
I wouldn’t be the person I am today without my family and close friends because of how much they support me to do the things I do and push me to keep going no matter what.
I wouldn’t be who I am today if I didn’t travel to India every once in a while because I wouldn’t be as connected to my roots nor would I have the tight-knit bond that I have with each family member back there.
I wouldn’t be the person I am today if writing wasn’t a part of my life because I wouldn’t have been this comfortable with sharing my thoughts, learnings, and experiences with the outside world.
So, although identity may seem like the easiest and simplest thing to answer, seriously think about how to explain to someone who you are in only one sentence. Hard, right?
Because you always have to leave something or the other out. But you wouldn’t be you without that something. You would be a little less complete.
Knowing all this, let’s come up with a different definition for identity (specifically for us), one that has less vague of meaning and more details:
Identity is who someone is based on who they surround themselves with; where they’ve gone; what they’ve experienced; the lessons they’ve learned; the characteristics, hobbies, and traits that make them up; and who they are no matter who’s watching.
So, ask yourself again:
Who am I?
If you don’t have an answer, that’s amazing because you’re always changing and growing, so you’re always just a little bit different. Thus, answering that question will take a while, but we’ll always get there.
Covering
What is covering?
As defined by Kenji Yoshino in his book, The Covering: “To cover is to tone down a disfavored identity to fit into the mainstream.”
Covering is something everyone does. Whether we know it or not, we’re constantly covering even a little part of ourselves in our everyday lives. For example, if I don’t want people to think I’m sensitive, I will portray myself as confident, strong, and thick-skinned, when that’s not actually me.
It’s hiding a part of us from other people or things based on certain factors like if that characteristic will help me fit in or if it will make others think I’m weird and out of place.
So, this begs the question, why do we cover?
From The Covering, “in our increasingly diverse society, all of us are outside the mainstream in some way. Nonetheless, being deemed mainstream is still often a necessity of social life.” It’s basically like “bowing to an unjust reality that requires [us] to tone down [our] stigmatized identities to get along in life.”
All humans tend to want to fit into their surroundings, and we do this by covering the specific part(s) of our identity that makes us stand out. It happens everywhere, by everyone, regarding everything because we’ll seldom be fully comfortable anywhere but with ourselves. And that can’t be more alright because another part of who you are is about your comfort levels and what you like and don’t like doing.
So, ask yourself now: what do you cover? And, more importantly, why?
Sometimes, I cover my craziness around people I don’t really know because it could be too much for them since they haven’t gotten to understand me well. Other times, I don’t tell people about my writing, although it’s a huge part of who I am, because I don’t want them to think I’m bragging about it.
It really just depends on the situation, and that’s why covering is another part of knowing ourselves that everyone should learn about. Knowing what you cover, who you cover with, and why you cover will not only help you recognize it but help you understand yourself more, aiding you in answering that question:
Who am I?
The Effect of Bias, Stereotypes, and Society
First, let’s define each of these terms:
Bias: prejudice in favor of or against one thing, person, or group compared with another, usually in a way considered to be unfair
Stereotypes: a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing
Society: the aggregate of people living together in a more or less ordered community
In our case, bias is the place our mind goes when we think of a certain situation — “oh, that must be heavy for you, let me help you with that.” The given definition of stereotypes is spot on, and society is everything that surrounds us — the people, places, things, potential opportunities, etc.
Let’s talk about how these terms are interconnected: biases can be made based on certain stereotypes, and both of them come from society or this idea that was built by the things that make up our society.
There are two types of biases: explicit or conscious and implicit or unconscious.
“[Conscious] bias is processed neurologically at a conscious level as declarative, semantic memory, and in words. Conscious bias in its extreme is characterized by overt negative behavior that can be expressed through physical and verbal harassment or through more subtle means such as exclusion. Implicit or unconscious bias operates outside of the person’s awareness and can be in direct contradiction to a person’s espoused beliefs and values. What is so dangerous about implicit bias is that it automatically seeps into a person’s affect or behavior and is outside of the full awareness of that person.”
This means that, whether we’re fully aware of it or not, a lot of the decisions we make can be poisoned with an unconscious bias that we don’t actually believe at heart — and what better way to prove how much biases affect us than with this?
Next, we have stereotypes.
“Stereotypes are a bit like air: invisible but always present. We all have multiple identities and some of them are likely to be stigmatized. While it may seem like we should just stop paying attention to stereotypes, it often isn’t that easy. False beliefs about our abilities easily turn into a voice of self-doubt in our heads that can be hard to ignore. And in the last couple of decades, scientists have started to discover that this can have damaging effects on our actual performance. This mechanism is due to what psychologists call “stereotype threat” — referring to a fear of doing something that would confirm negative perceptions of a stigmatized group that we are members of.”
The first line of this, “stereotypes are a bit like air: invisible but always present,” brought up an interesting point of view because it emphasizes how big or small stereotypes can be, and how many there are in society (which is why we cover). Basically, a lot of the actions we take are either based on explicit or implicit biases or stereotype threats, which both have arisen from society.
At least once in our lives, whether we know it or not, we have been subject to biases and/or stereotypes. For example, a stereotype that I, and a lot of my close friends, have faced is that since we’re a part of the Indian/Asian community, we’re “automatically smart, get straight-A’s, and know how to do everything.” But that’s not true. We just work hard, but that’s not what it looks like to society.
At this point in time, society has a different perception about who different people/groups are, and that is just another part of everyday life. It’s almost as if we know that there are so many assumptions being made, but we do nothing to stop it. And that affects us whether we acknowledge it or not.
Who we are is also affected by who and what we surround ourselves with, it’s the society we create for ourselves and that’s a part of our identity too. So now, taking all this into account, ask yourself again:
Who am I?
In all, don’t forget that the answer to that striking question will always be changing because we are always changing. Society will always have a perception of us that may not be true and what we choose to do about it is yet another part of our personality. You could cover or you could show the world who you are. Biases and stereotypes are a part of everyday life — could you imagine the world without them? It would be a perfect world. Utopia. Is that what we want? Think about it.
And keep chasing the answer to our favorite question of the day:
Who am I?
This article is dedicated to my Leadership and Spanish teacher from this year for teaching us about these amazing topics and helping us learn who we are. I know you’re reading this right now, so thank you!
Thanks for reading! Until next time, stay safe, happy, and healthy.
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