Trampolines
But metaphorically
A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to my best friend when she brought up something that was bothering her.
“I feel like I’m always trying to live up to these expectations that my parents never set for me,” she said. “I know they’re proud of me, but no matter what, I don’t feel good enough. It’s so dumb, and I know it’s fully self-imposed, but no matter how hard I try to do more and more and more, I never feel satisfied.”
In a conversation like this, first of all, it’s super important to hear the other person out. Fixing their problem comes later, if and when they ask for it. So, that’s what I tried to do. Once she was finished saying what was on her mind, I asked her if it was okay to add my thoughts. Due to the nature of our closeness and her wanting advice, she said yes.
“I think you’re thinking about this all wrong,” I started. “You’re totally valid for wanting to make your parents proud. Everyone has someone they want to make proud, whoever it may be. But there’s a different way to think about this that might help you.”
I want you to think of someone you want to make proud (including yourself!) as you read the rest of this. Any time I say “your parents” in reference to her parents, think of who you’re trying to work so hard for.
“It’s not that they are setting some sort of standard that they need you to meet, but rather they know how much you’re capable of. They know your potential, they see it in you, and they want you to get as far in life as possible. That’s not their expectations. It’s their belief in you. It’s them rooting for you, knowing how much you have in you, to do everything that you can accomplish. It’s them seeing you successful, achieving all your dreams, and living a happy life.”
I used my hands to demonstrate what I mean. My left hand was higher than my right, and it was where she thinks her parents expect her to be. My right hand was where she is right now.
“You currently are feeling like you have to go from where you are right now, “ I signaled with my right hand, “to here,” I said, shaking my left hand, “which is what you are calling your parents’ expectations. And right now, you have no clear path as to how to get there.”
I told her to remember where she was in terms of my hands, and then I moved my right hand a little higher towards my left.
“Now think of my left hand as where your parents see you, how far they think you can go, how much they think you can accomplish. And think of my right as a trampoline to help you get there. This ‘trampoline’ is their belief in you. It’s their love, support, and care that you know you have in your back pocket that will help you get to where they see you.”
It’s so much more eye-opening to see things this way because it allows us to work for what we are so passionate about without ever feeling like we aren’t enough. You are enough. You’re working your way to the success that you and everyone who loves you knows you can accomplish, and any big, little, or medium step you’re taking along the way will contribute to that.
“So,” I said to my best friend, “promise me you’ll think of things differently from now on. It’s never that you aren’t enough; it’s that you can always be so much more. That doesn’t make you incomplete; it just makes you human. Striving to be better and better every day is a natural tendency, as long as we don’t forget all the steps we took to get to where we are now.”
Today, make a promise to yourself that you’ll figure out who your trampolines are. And most of all, that you never forget how absolutely complete you are, even if it isn’t where you want to be, yet.
Until next time, much love,
-Apuroopa