hi beautiful person —
i hope you’re doing so super well and if you’re not, i hope you feel better soon. i want you to know that it’s okay to have those days and that taking that time for yourself is so important.
recently, i found out something that someone said about me that, if i’m being completely honest, i didn’t expect or want to hear and that ruined my day completely. it’s so ironic, i’m often like “i don’t care what others say about me”, but this time around, that one thing that that one person said (or didn’t say) affected me a lot.
i couldn’t get my mind off what i had heard and i couldn’t control how i was feeling. i felt sad and betrayed but at the same time, i was so confused because how they acted with me in person didn’t align with what they supposedly had said.
i decided to talk to my dad about it. (normalizing the fact that talking to someone about your situations, no matter how big or small or hurtful or not, is so important).
he asked me, “why does this bother you so much?”
to that i got extremely offended… at first. i was like, “oh, am i not allowed to feel this way?”
and he replied, “i didn’t say that. i am asking you why it’s bothering you so much. aren’t you usually the one that ‘doesn’t care’ about what others think about you?”
i responded, “yeah, but that’s with people who aren’t important to me.” unlike everyone else, i did care what this person thought about me because they mattered to me. because, and these are all the thoughts buzzing around in my head, does that mean everything with us was fake? does that mean i’m annoying? do other people feel the same way about me?
my dad smiled. i was still so confused, and now i was mildly frustrated that he was smiling when my insides were making me sick to the stomach. he said, “so you’re telling me that this person supposedly said something about you that you heard from a friend of a friend, right? and you’re believing them instead of trusting your instincts and what you’ve gathered from the time spent with them? instead of just going and talking to them about it?”
and in that moment, i wanted to scream. he was right. why was i stressing over something i thought i couldn’t control when i totally can by, quite literally, asking them about it?
because maybe i was scared that this thing that i heard was true. because then everything we experienced was fake. it was all a lie. i was scared. that’s what was triggering my reaction.
okay apuroopa, first — breathe. right! i forget to do this from time to time.
second — focus on your priorities. is what this one person said truly that big of a deal that you aren’t going to focus preparing for your upcoming AP psych test and AP lang timed essay? no.
okay good — third, what’s the plan of action? focus on my priorities, then talk to this person. in person.
and that’s exactly what i did. i was hanging out with that person in a couple days anyway, so i just waited until then to talk it out.
in person conversation is so important. you get to see the person’s body language, hear their tone, and understand the genuineness of what they’re saying. you can process better what they say and you’ll feel more satisfied with the conversation than you ever would with a phone call or chat on messages. i promise.
i was! personally, i’m so glad i didn’t take what i heard completely to heart, trusted my instincts and their in person actions, and gave them the benefit of the doubt. this made our conversation less judgmental and more open. i went into the clarification with my mind dead set on the fact that maybe they did say what they said. and that that was okay.
because with my expectations already so low or even nonexistent, when the good news came, i was happy with what i heard. they didn’t say such a thing apparently, so maybe it was taken out of context or completely made up.
regardless of the reason, i felt that the communication levels between us grew stronger, such that i could talk to this person about almost anything and know that i wouldn’t be judged. and vice versa.
so why am i telling you all of this? because in person everything is always better than anything online or over the phone.
imagine being confronted about something over a text message, you could just not reply. and that’s that. or imagine being asked out over text. i mean sure, it would make us happy, but imagine being asked out in person. that feeling just radiates so much more joy than the previous.
and that’s why i’m telling you this. so the next time you need to talk to someone, take my word for it and do it in person. i guarantee satisfaction levels much higher than an online conversation.
i wish nothing but the best for you :)
love,
apuroopa