Perspective.
Explained through situational analysis.
“Who are you talking to?” She asks me, as I quickly put down the phone.
“No one.”
“What do you mean? I literally just saw you end the call.”
“I told you, I wasn’t talking to anyone. Can we please stop this discussion?” I replied, getting increasingly annoyed at her doubtfulness.
“No, we are not going to stop until you tell me what is going on.”
“Nothing’s going on. Please just stop worrying and relax.”
“Ok, if nothing is going on, show me who you were just talking to. Last chance - open your call history,” she demands.
“No. I don’t have to tell you or show you anything. Just leave it,” I snap.
“Ok,” she states, walking away.
And a few minutes later, I hear the front door slam.
Picture this situation. Who’s side are you on, wife or husband? Or would you not choose any sides because you don’t have the clearest perspective? Let’s add some more detail and see if that changes your view.
“Hey, Jessica!”
“Hey! Ready to get started?”
“Yeah! First off, thank you so much for agreeing to help plan this surprise party for her. She’s going to love it! Do you have any venue ideas in mind or maybe even, starting small, what theme she might like? It is her 40th after all.”
“Well, I know that she loves outdoorsy and evening time celebrations, so maybe a backyard party? I’m thinking strings of fairy lights, candles, and around 50 to 70, or so, people. What do you think?”
“Wow, that sounds perfect! We can also try to find something to do corresponding to the number 40, such as making 40 of her favorite dishes or putting a 40 memory wall up. What do you s— oh shoot! She’s coming, gotta go!” And I frantically hung up.
I know for sure that she saw me hanging up. What’s going to happen? What should I do??
Now, with this information, did you change your mind? Or do you still need just a bit more of an understanding regarding the wife’s perspective?
“Honey! The food came, and I’m in a meeting. Would you please come down and get it?” I called.
No response. What could he be doing? He always responds when I call from downstairs in case of an emergency.
“Hello?” I called again, as I walked up the stairs.
Approaching the bedroom door, I hear muffled speaking. He’s normally booming loud when in a call, so why is he quiet all of a sudden?
“Honey, I call-” I cut myself off as I see him frantically put the phone down. “Who are you talking to?”
All of a sudden, all my theories on the late-night “drives” and early morning “walks” seem real. No, it couldn’t be. He would never cheat. But my insecurities got the best of me. He chose not to respond, knowing exactly what I was thinking. I gave him multiple chances, but he still couldn’t tell me. What else could that mean? Unfortunately, it meant I was right.
Now we have the wife’s perspective as well. So who would you support - husband, wife, or neither? What do you think the husband should’ve done to keep his wife from walking out? Let’s answer that together.
When in any situation, remember that there is always a third perspective - yours, the person you’re talking to, and what neither of you may be seeing. Not remembering this can spark unintentional conflict. If the husband said something like the following, he’s opening up to his wife’s perspective, and thus winning her trust:
“Honey, do you trust me? You do? Ok, good. I know what you’re thinking right now, and frankly, you have every right to. However, if you have even a millimeter of confidence in me, then you have to trust me and let this go. Ok?”
There’s a key difference between the original response and this one: one is defensive and the other is objective. In this one, the husband manages to keep his cool, which helps him deescalate the situation.
But why was the husband able to stay objective? Because he considered what his wife might have been thinking, realizing that his priority was not to satisfy his ego by defending himself, but rather to make peace with his wife.
The same goes for the wife. She instantly jumped to conclusions when she saw him end the call, linking the “drives” and “walks” with cheating on her. The wife’s ego may have been hurt as well and her previous insecurities got the best of her, making her leave.
However, this all could’ve been prevented if they just talked it out and listened to each other - egos and previous assumptions aside.
So what does this have to do with perspectives? Well, we have to remember that there’s always something that we don’t see, which will ultimately lead to miscommunication. This can be prevented if we learn to put things into perspective.
It’s like they teach us in Kindergarten - “put yourself in the other person’s shoes. How would you feel?” And that’s by far one of the most important lessons because it’s true - we tend to believe that we’re always thinking the right thing, when, in reality, we could be hurting the other person and not knowing it.
So the next time you’re talking to someone, consider their perspective. And even better, step back and look at it from a third-party view. Maybe you’ll find something that neither of you may have thought of. Then, come to a compromise and you’ll understand how looking at different perspectives changes your perception. Because after all,
Life is all about perspective.
Thanks for reading! Until next time, stay safe, happy, and healthy.
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