This took like six weeks for me to write. I’m still hurting (just a very little bit), but I don’t want anyone else to experience the same. So read on ❣
For the past few months, I hadn’t felt very good. I often questioned my friendships because what I was putting in wasn’t what I was getting out of it. Like, it just didn’t feel right that I made all the calls, I initiated all the meetups, and I texted first to check in after a long time. And that’s when I realized that the majority of my friendships were like that, where there wasn’t a mutual interest to nurture the connection, but it was mostly just one-sided.
The sad truth about the situation was that I knew that I could do nothing to get the same back because I was expecting people to put in the same amount of effort as me. (And I always put in a lot more effort).
Basically, I spent a lot of time trying to do a bunch of things for other people and didn’t leave any time for myself. It took a specific incident for me to realize how much time, effort, and strength was being wasted, and how much I was hurting from expecting people to do the same.
It was nearing the end of the school year so I was getting busier and spent less time socializing. I thought that at least some of the people that I checked in with every few days would return the favor. But that didn’t happen. And that was really when I started to realize and question how much effort I was putting into certain friendships.
I wanted these people to know that I was there for them. I wanted these people to feel safe around me. I wanted these people to feel special.
But clearly, what they thought of me wasn’t the same.
I had a revelation in June: a lot of the people that you care/spend time for don’t even blink or think an extra second for you. And that realization hurt me so bad.
When I was little, my brother and dad used to tease me for making a new “friend” every day. I used to have a huge circle that I hung out with at lunch, while my brother only talked about the same 4 or 5 people all the time. I didn’t understand it then, but now I do.
It’s quality, not quantity.
After this, I took some time to reflect on everything that happened and what I learned. And what happened was something that I’m disappointed in, sad about, but also very thankful for.
I learned that my well-being was taking a hit when I was expecting things from people. Maybe that’s why people say “do what you do for yourself without expecting anything back.” And that’s what I completely forgot about.
I learned that relationships and friendships are gifts that are meant to be cherished, valued, and appreciated. They aren’t to be used or taken for granted. I also learned that the best gifts are experiences. It’s the friends that you share the best experiences with. They are the best gifts.
I wish none of what I wrote today was true because it hurts to think about. It hurts to dangle the words in the air and look at them and put more salt in the wounds. But the truth hurts. And expectations hurt too. But the expectations with the right people don’t matter.
Fast forward to today: I now expect less, and I’m so much happier. I know where/with who to put my time, and I feel proud of it.
So today, I want you to think of the people that you care about. Ask yourself how much you’ve put effort into that relationship and take the time to do that. I know that love and care come in all different forms, and sometimes all it takes is a little “hey, how are you?” to change everything.
I love all my friends, and I’m so thankful for every single one of them. And while I know that some express gratitude in different ways, I also forgot to think about their position and what could be happening in their lives. But overall, I realized that expecting less brings more happiness, but to not stop caring about the people that matter.
It’s ok if I don’t always receive the same because putting in more is just who I am. And I think it’s the same for everyone.
Thanks for reading! I hope you took something away from this. I appreciate you and your time. Much love and take care :)